Books do silly things to us - they make us delve into them and they become a part of our life for the moment, just as we become narrators, observers and actors in their sagas. They make you think and drag out the memories from the deepest corners of your mind, irrespective of whether you are able to deal with those memories or not. Once, I was foolish enough to get married to a person who I did not even know well enough. I wanted to be everything - perfect wife, student, mother, daughter, executive... I can be any of these at any point of time, but I don't have to be everything at once, or I may never be able to enjoy the moment while it lasts. An innocuous little book dredged up this thought, making me remember what I fought so hard to forget; I forgot myself and who I was in that quest to forget.

I decided a long time ago that I would never be afraid of anything, ever. I sometimes forget this, but seeing someone else afraid of life always makes me remember it again. "Remember, remember, the 5th of November", said V, in his movie Vendetta. He drew inspiration from the courage of those who led the gunpowder revolt. I draw courage from the fact that I may never know when my life may end, when someone close to me may be snatched away and when the world may end. I shall never change, and I will always face my fears where they are worth facing; I will value my life and all the people who love me, and I will never, never give up on life or hope or love or trust.

March On

March on, ye world
To the tune of this song.
To right every wrong,
Rise up, march on.

March on, ye young
To the strength of this thought.
When oppressed and fraught,
Brave heart, march on.

March on, ye child
To the promise of life.
When your future is strife,
With hope, march on.

Un-Equal

"Put the pieces back together
Get a hold on life",
It’s easy to say, so hard to do;
It’s easy to get used to strife.

Oh, but if there was a god,
Would he not stop my tears?
Would he not say, “Be happy child”,
And not steal away my years?

There is no god, there is no man,
There is no one who’d understand.
There is no one who wants me as I am.

The pain is there, it’s not enough,
I need to feel some more.
I need to burn and bleed us both,
Till we're not different anymore.

Oh, but if there was a man,
Would he not cast off his doubt?
Would he not say, "All people are one",
And not leave anyone out?

There is no god, there is no man,
There is no one who’d understand,
There is no one who wants me as I am.

There is somewhere a place for me,
Somewhere there is my family,
If not this world, there is the next,
My last reward for this cruel test.

There is a god, there is a man,
There is someone who’d understand,
There has to be someone who wants me as I am.

*What happens when discrimination takes its toll on a person's soul, when society casts out someone who is considered "unequal" to the rest by virtue of his/her gender, place of birth, skin color, or ancestry? Memories accumulate in the person's psyche, memories of hatred and fear - these memories will eventually end the human race itself someday.

Rage Against The World

What I hide is my soul turned raw,
What I mourn is childhood past.
What I miss most is my own laughter.
What I cry over is innocence lost.

What I seek is one minute of joy.
Whatever I find, you destroy.
What I see here is man-eat-man,
Whatever I give, you throw away.

What is it you want of me?
I'm better than you'll ever be.
What I have, you'll never have.
What I am, you can never be.

I am no Atlas, I am no god,
I am not perfect and not complete
I will not carry your scorn or wrath
I will not slash your wrist or wipe your tears.
You can never steal my work, my life
You can never rise beyond your narrow mind
You are but a figment of my imagination
You don't exist but as a world of the past.

All nice guys come with a catch. It could be something small like a poison dart, or something huge like a drunk driver coming towards you in the opposite direction. The point is, it's there, and it's fatal in the end. You are going to be wounded by it, and you will suffer. The only thing you can do is expect it and swerve at the right time. If you're the kind of person who likes to ignore all the bad things, then the least you can do is tell yourself that you knew it was coming after taking the hit.

Bored at work

The leaves - they sparkle yellow and green,
Like the absent words on my computer screen.
Into its depths I stare, I fall,
Waiting to hear it's siren call.

I have no office, I have no home,
I do no work and write no tome.
My life rolls down this rocky path,
Tempered each day with a hot bath.

The stink of rot surrounds my face,
I plead with God to hear my case.
God replies,"I am not here today,
Get out my child, go and play!"

The Art of Rebellion

When must you condone something that you know is wrong? So many times in life one has to face bad people doing bad things, and stand quietly by the roadside watching the show. On so many occasions, one sees someone fighting the world for the sake of what is right and chooses to turn their back on the courage and truth they perceive. What pushes a person to make that choice?

Somewhere along our way from childhood to adulthood, we are taught to be civilized and cultured. Behind this facade, we learn to conceal our emotions, our imaginations, and our individual conscience. Slowly, we start believing that this is actually the correct way to live, and all those idealistic fools who rally in support of their beliefs are losers and laughingstocks. As we gain higher social stature, any kind of stigma attached to our names becomes a source of secret despair and public humiliation. People go to great lengths to hide anything that might be perceived as a weakness or a chink in their armour. Any spark of rebelliousness or original thought is quickly doused with the cold spray of collective wisdom and social conscience.

For all that is said and done, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do". To live in this world of hypocrites, sometimes you have to look the other way. Sometimes, if you want to succeed in the long run, you have to compromise on issues close to your heart. They call it "strategy" in the big books we read. I call it waiting for the right time and turning your opponent's game on him or her. To play the game and win at it, sometimes you have to understand that a battle lost can win you the war.

Play on my friends, battle on to the end.

Lose not your soul now, salvation's around the bend!

Songs of Summer

Wakeful dreams of silk and gold,
Summer dreams of old:
Shelter through the heat and cold,
Simple dreams I sold.

Fleeting pleasures over time,
Sinful pleasures, all mine.
Softly, rising, morn' and night,
Slowly heartbeats climb.

Fading music, fading light,
Sultry music through the night,
Play the strings your soul demands,
No wrong, and no right.

Swiftly diving through it all
Waves of rise and fall.
Summer dreams, both new and old,
Watch how they unfold.

(You lose your heart to love's call,
You wake up and watch it fall.
Life calls back, summer ends too soon,
Love forever stays without you.

Don't look back on summer love.
Throw away its silken glove.
The songs you heard, you sang, are gone.
Your soul is burnt and eyes forlorn.

Do not cry for what is gone,
Never show your heart is torn,
For summer is a season at best,
Fading away with summer's crest.)

Summer dreams, they come and go,
Summer passing fast and slow.
What was done must fade away,
Once a child, now old & grey.